Tehtermaster says "We Must Reward Good Behavior in Dogs Around the World"!

I'm receiving a slew of emails from my loyal readers asking me to comment on the story out of Nairobi, Kenya this week. As many of you know by now, a baby was abandoned by her mother. Amazingly, all evidence points to the following: the baby was rescued by a wild dog, and raised (for two weeks) by a pack of wild dogs in the depths of the Kenyan forest. Not exactly all the comforts of home! Many of you are asking me, "Tethermaster, how can a pack of wild dogs raise a human baby." As many of you know I founded the Nairobi Tether Classic in 1994. This is a unique event, where all of the money raised (millions of Kenyan shillings over the years) is used to reward animals that show really really good acts of kindness towards humans. I know Kenyan wild dogs. I know them like the back of my frickin hand. When Kenyan wild dogs want to be bad, they're very bad. When Kenyan wild dogs want to be nice, however, they can go places humans only dream of.

So what did the dogs do with the baby. Well, duh, first of all - we all know that dogs can learn to "shake hands." They probably played patty cake with the baby by alternating paws and tapping the baby's hands. Secondly, the baby needed to be fed. Well, as we know from science, human females who have not given birth, under the right circumstances (not because they're too lazy to get up and go to the store to buy some milk), I mean under the exact right scientific circumstances, can nurse. This has happened and has been recorded several times, and is also true because of the last scene in The Grapes of Wrath. So you can see where I'm going with this - it's obvious that one of the female dogs, because of the circumstances, was somehow able to generate milk that was edible by human babies. This doesn't happen every day, so don't go thinking that your dog can feed your kids!

This year, I'm going to make sure that the lead wild Kenyan dog and 5 of its best friends receive, from the Classic, an all expense paid trip to Los Angeles. That's only the beginning. They will also be given a movie contract and will star in a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow, John Travolta, Jim Cary, Leslie Nielson, and the dog that played Beethoven.