Horse Experts Part Zwei

I have always held the utmost respect for horse experts. To use the vernacular, "They rock the house!" Why? Because if you have any question, I mean any question at all about horses, they can answer them. It's unbelievable how much they know about horses. They know their horses cold. You can depend on horse experts - you just can. You can try to trick them, but it won't work if you're trying to trick them about horses. Why? Because they eat, sleep, and breathe horses like no other. If you're talking to one, and you bring up a topic that's not about horses - like sports - they'll say, "Wait a minute, you've switched the topic away from horses, haven't you!" That's how intense they are about knowing about horses. They want to know more, too. If you think that they're content with what they already know, you're wrong 24x7. They want to know more every - single - day! Because of his deep respect for horse experts, the Tethermaster performs, and gives the money to one of his favorite charities of course, at local gatherings and events. For $1, you can ask the Tethermaster any question about horses that you can think of, and he will tell you whether or not a horse expert would know the answer! It might be yes and it might be no - but he never, ever, says "I don't know"! Amazing! In 15 years, he has never been stumped one time, and he has contributed over $300,000 to charities around the world and in Ohio. He introduces his act like this. "OK people, let's see whether or not you can ask me a question and I can tell you whether or not a horse expert would know the answer? " The usual answer is "Yes, a horse expert would know that, but nice try!" Amazing!

Tehtermaster says "We Must Reward Good Behavior in Dogs Around the World"!

I'm receiving a slew of emails from my loyal readers asking me to comment on the story out of Nairobi, Kenya this week. As many of you know by now, a baby was abandoned by her mother. Amazingly, all evidence points to the following: the baby was rescued by a wild dog, and raised (for two weeks) by a pack of wild dogs in the depths of the Kenyan forest. Not exactly all the comforts of home! Many of you are asking me, "Tethermaster, how can a pack of wild dogs raise a human baby." As many of you know I founded the Nairobi Tether Classic in 1994. This is a unique event, where all of the money raised (millions of Kenyan shillings over the years) is used to reward animals that show really really good acts of kindness towards humans. I know Kenyan wild dogs. I know them like the back of my frickin hand. When Kenyan wild dogs want to be bad, they're very bad. When Kenyan wild dogs want to be nice, however, they can go places humans only dream of.

So what did the dogs do with the baby. Well, duh, first of all - we all know that dogs can learn to "shake hands." They probably played patty cake with the baby by alternating paws and tapping the baby's hands. Secondly, the baby needed to be fed. Well, as we know from science, human females who have not given birth, under the right circumstances (not because they're too lazy to get up and go to the store to buy some milk), I mean under the exact right scientific circumstances, can nurse. This has happened and has been recorded several times, and is also true because of the last scene in The Grapes of Wrath. So you can see where I'm going with this - it's obvious that one of the female dogs, because of the circumstances, was somehow able to generate milk that was edible by human babies. This doesn't happen every day, so don't go thinking that your dog can feed your kids!

This year, I'm going to make sure that the lead wild Kenyan dog and 5 of its best friends receive, from the Classic, an all expense paid trip to Los Angeles. That's only the beginning. They will also be given a movie contract and will star in a movie with Gwyneth Paltrow, John Travolta, Jim Cary, Leslie Nielson, and the dog that played Beethoven.

The Tethermaster Weighs in on the Runaway Bride

People, let's calm down and realize one very important thing: women should not 'have' to get married! I repeat: women do not 'have' to get married, even if it is scheduled and guests are invited and presents have been bought! People are trying to force women to get married all the time, and making them feel guilty because of all the preparations and whatever. Wake up! Second point: Must we always think lawsuit whenever there's a minor problem? Sure, from time to time people don't show up for their own weddings. One, I'm sure she feels bad. Two, she's going to take a lot of ribbing at work over this one. Three, it's really embarrassing to run away and then come back with TV cameras on you. Four, she's ok (that's the good part!)! Let's not get all wound up about something that has a happy ending. Let's not spoil a good thing by getting all worked up over whether or not she should be sued or brought up on charges. What if, and this is just conjecture, but what if when she left she said, "Honey, I'm going to Albuquerque, " but he thought she said, "Honey, I'm going to see Al my booky to place a bet on the ponies." Entirely possible. See we don't even know if she said something like that or not, do we? Come on, people, give love a chance!